Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All the doctor said was why
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize