I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
