he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
