i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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