and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
