Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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