Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
