WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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