Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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