Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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