Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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