you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
