No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
