the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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