I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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