i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize