i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
