Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
