is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
