god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
