His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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