I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
