Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
