I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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