Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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