My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
