so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
