u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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