his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They have beer where we have blood.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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