wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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