his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
