guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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