hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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