Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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