If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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