why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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