your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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