is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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