State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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