I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
