I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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