My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize