the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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