It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
