my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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