i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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