Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
