Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
