How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
