I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
