can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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