I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
