I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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