i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
