My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
