i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize