like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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