thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
