Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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