She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry my hands just texted you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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