I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Need sex. Gaining weight.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
