Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
