she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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