I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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