Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
