so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize