My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
