Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
