PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
