Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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